At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
