I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
