Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this must be what syphilis tastes like
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
