I hope mine doesn't look like that
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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