I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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