Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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