i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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