Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
