I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
cat food counts as protein by the way
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
