It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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