So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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