spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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