i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
be right there i have to get my cape
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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