My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
