LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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