nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
