We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
