Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have aggressive nipples.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
