I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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