he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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