Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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