I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
