Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
