Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drake has all the answers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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