I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
