pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
