Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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