I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
