I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
