i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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