I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
