Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
