highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
