Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
