I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
