Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
