whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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