this beer tastes like vomit already
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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