guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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