We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
