Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
