tell your sister to shave her snatch
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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