I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
