lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
