So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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