Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I want you more than these girls want KFC
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
