...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
