So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
