the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
