the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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