What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
