I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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