dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
