My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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