This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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