i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
