I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
