I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
