The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
