a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
