just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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