I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
