Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
