I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
