Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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