she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
